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Dreaming about an ex can reflect unresolved feelings from the past or a longing for passion in your current relationship. Let's explore what your subconscious mind might be trying to tell you.
8 Min Read | By Nicholas Barber
Last Modified 30 April 2025 First Added 20 December 2021
Stress, significant life changes, or resurfacing unresolved issues can trigger recurring or vivid dreams about an ex-partner. Dreams are notoriously complex—we still don’t fully understand how they work, but we know they help us process current experiences and memories. Let’s explore some common reasons and underlying emotional factors that might explain your dream about someone from a past relationship.
Dreaming about your ex doesn’t have to mean that deep down in your heart, you want to get back together, but it often has some link to how you’re feeling in your day-to-day life.
These dreams can show that you’re emotionally or sexually dissatisfied, or you may have unresolved feelings, not necessarily of longing, for your ex, that your subconscious mind is working through. Although the meaning of this dream can vary widely, as the dream itself can differ, the underlying meaning is usually emotional.
However, there is very little reason to panic. Research by the Sleep Foundation found that the occurrence of an ex in dreams depends on your relationship status at the time of the dream. A study found 35% of people in a relationship dreamed about their current partner or an ex, while just over 17% of single people dreamed about former partners.
Like most dreams, there’s usually a trigger in your current life that is bleeding into your subconscious and being processed – sometimes in very unexpected ways!
A big trigger for ruminating over an old relationship is a new one. Whether you’ve just met someone you like or you’re taking the next steps with your partner, it’s no surprise that you’ll think about past experiences.
It doesn’t mean that you’re unhappy with your current partner or secretly want your ex back. You’ll naturally make comparisons and draw connections, especially if the relationship is vastly different.
This one probably doesn’t need explaining, but it is one to consider. If you’ve seen your ex or someone close to them recently, then it’s no surprise that they’re on your mind, even if you didn’t give it much thought at the time.
Breakups can be a huge upheaval in your life, so it’s normal for your brain to go back to this time of stress when other things are changing. An ex is especially likely to pop up if you’re moving away from the place you shared with them or leaving the job you had while with them.
Your brain is ridiculously good at making connections, and that includes your emotional life, too. If you’re falling back into old habits or a current relationship is following the same trajectory as your previous one, you might realise it unconsciously long before your conscious mind catches up. It may truly be a sign of dissatisfaction with some aspect of your life; however, it still doesn’t mean the answer is calling up an old flame!
Sometimes, we don’t get the closure we need when we end a relationship. Particularly if it was a toxic environment. This means you’ll have complicated, unresolved feelings for that person and what you experienced with them. While you might feel conflicted about that person, if they’re appearing in your dreams, then it’s probably time to do more self-reflection on how to let go finally.
Dreaming about your ex doesn’t have to mean that deep down in your heart, you want to get back together, but it often has some kind of link to how you’re feeling in your day-to-day life. Let’s explore some of the most common ex dreams and their meanings:
If you have this dream, it could be worth examining why you broke up.
If the dream is about a recent ex you still miss, it may express your unresolved feelings or desire to have them back in your life. Otherwise, it could indicate something about an old relationship or that time in your life that you’re reconnecting with now. You may ask yourself if there are aspects of your past relationship that you could bring into your current relationship or life.
Dreaming about your first love is more likely to represent the incredible excitement you felt then, rather than the person they are. In the dream, they embody what first love feels like – the passion, the excitement, the desire, that wonderful feeling.
If your first love appears in your dreams when you’re in a relationship, it may indicate that it’s become routine. Your subconscious may remind you of what it can feel like, hinting that you want to bring back these feelings within your current relationship.
If your separation is recent, high emotions will keep it at the forefront of your mind. Reliving that experience years later could be a manifestation of anxiety around rejection or abandonment. Maybe you’re worried about your current relationship or your performance at work. This stress can cause you to regress to the last big moment of heartbreak.
Try mitigating anxious thoughts before bed by trying a relaxation technique such as the 5-4-3-2-1 grounding method.
Dreams of revenge might feel cathartic, but they’re a sure sign of frustration, anger, and unresolved tension. Getting your own back is understandable, especially if your break-up was a messy situation, but it doesn’t signal anything good for you.
If you let these bitter feelings stew, they can affect your life, holding you back rather than allowing you to move on and get over your ex.
Dreams of your ex chasing you may symbolise lingering feelings of being pursued by unresolved issues from the past. If you find yourself running away from an ex-partner in your dreams, it may indicate underlying emotions or conflicts you have yet to address. This pursuit could symbolise aspects of your past relationship that you’re trying to escape from or feelings of guilt and responsibility you’ve not fully processed.
Perhaps you’re avoiding confronting certain realities or fears that have emerged in your current life or relationship. Reflecting on what you’re evading in your waking life might offer insight into what the dream genuinely tries to convey.
Dream analyst Lauri Loewenberg explains that an ex in your dream may refer to the situation in your current life, not your past relationship. Dreams tend to use previous relationships as a symbol or metaphor for something that is happening in your life.
For example, if you dream about a past relationship while going through change or stress, it may indicate that you’re returning to an earlier point in your life as a defence mechanism or a source of reflection. This doesn’t necessarily mean that you still love or miss your ex, but that your subconscious connects past and current emotional states. If something is left unsaid or you have unresolved feelings, your dream could represent your mind working through these lingering feelings to gain closure or understanding.
Lastly, experts agree that dreaming about an ex is absolutely normal. It may be a sign of personal growth potential. Reflecting on these dreams can provide great insight into your current relationship and emotional status, allowing you to address any unfinished business or subconscious desires that need to be fulfilled.
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